How does a child reconcile with a parent when the parent is elderly and the child is now in the driver's seat? Literally? My dad lost his car keys on Friday. He'd been pleasant enough about it until I arrived to tote him to a coffee shop and mom to her visit for a pro-time test. For some reason, I was the evil one. Hell hath no fury as that of a many whose keys have been taken away! My dad snapped at me about the way I fastened my mother's wheelchair into place and then said "can I not take care of my wife." It was clear then the issue was loss of control. He decided to stay home and sulk. Try as I might, I had not choice but to leave him and get my mom to her appointment.
That was another story. She claims to have a cracked brain which causes her forgetfulness. Her legal blindness confuses me because is worse some days than others. But why oh why is that a selective forgetfulness? How many times do I have to tell her she has power of attorney? How many times do I have to ask her not to pick her nose in public and not hear the answer of a little kid whose eyes are closed: "I can't see them." She got mad at me for the way I treated my dad arguing that he could drive well. I wondered how in the sam helen she knew that when she couldn't see that he'd parked in the bushes just a day or two ago. There was no arguing but I was tired and I was mad. So I told her if she thought she could do it without me then wheel herself into the exam room. She struggled and banged walls and doorways. I let her do it all the way back down to the lower level when we left. Finally she was exhausted. I told her if she wanted me to help, she just had to ask. So she asked.
I hate what my life is becoming.. I hate the thoughts that death would be a blessing to them since they are miserable. I hate the thoughts about what will it be like when they are gone -- will we still think it was exhausting caring for them for these last few years? Mostly I am get angry at people who pretend to have suffering when in fact they are bilking the system. Disability income is for the disabled not the lazy. And I see plenty of the lazy. And they enjoy a good life. Why do I have to worry about my parents and see their little fortune burned up chasing one medical demon after another.
God, I sure hope you really are up there. I hope that you are truly kind and not an egomaniac. I hope that you are thinking that poor family needs a break. I hope that you decide tomorrow to give my mom back her sight. I hope that when death does come, it arrives while sleeping. Please don't make it be a gut-wrenching experience like we had on October 1. Death isn't easy but death can be harder than it has to be. So please, God, send a miracle our way so that death when it comes is a gentle transition into the after life.
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